原來我做得到~

可能因為唔需要返學，唔需要返工住！
所以多左時間去比自己去想番很多野！
我一直都唔會去面對一樣野，
其實很多人都會讚我！話我勤力，好學！
本來我都會開心咁按受咖！ 但是.........
通常我同阿媽講番的時候，
佢通常都會話人地奉承下咋！
唔好人講咩你信咩啦！ 咁樣很易比人扼左都唔知咩事！............

...........................................................(下刪1000字)
可能是其中一個原因吧！我經常都會覺得自己唔叻！
唔敢去嘗試，因為我既然都唔係一個叻人，咁就做個平凡人就算啦！其實我個心成日會去想，佢得，我應該得卦！不過.........
之後就會想番起阿媽下刪1000字的說話....... 什麼哄下你又信，想你笑下啫，咁都信........等等的說話！ 之後就會想到，係喎！ 我都唔係咁好咖咋，仲有很多要改善的地方！
久而久之，我就永遠都覺得人地比我叻是正常既事，
因為我唔叻唔醒目嘛！ 所以咁樣的想法是很正常，
亦都係咁，所以很多時的信心就唔見左啦！ 唔敢去handle一些自己都知道很重要的事！ 就算去做，都只係會做一些比較簡單，一定唔會出錯的事！ 亦慢慢開始覺得唔去做，唔去take個respobsible就唔會有事發生........但是其實自己一直都好想認認真真去handle一件事出來！
不過.....一直都抱有任事謙虛的想法，
令自己好似永遠不能成材一樣.........
直至............. 我去北京之前，都仍然是抱住這個想法飛過去咖！
心想過到去....... 一定會搞到很亂，要成日打番家求救啦！叫係hk既阿媽幫我解決啦！ 我那時真係100%有這個想法咖！
不過....... 原來.....我做到我很多野咖！唔需要下下依賴屋企咖！
唔數出黎啦！
但是...... 有個Point很多講既係..... 地鐵水浸，返唔到家的時候，那種忟的感覺，我永遠都記得！ 雖然返去我住個度，很緊，唔知點好.....
但是....最終我都解決左！証明我只要做的話，無咩做唔到咖！~~~~
阿媽話我今次一定會瘦左很多返黎，但是......
我係肥左返黎咖！ 唔可以話照顧自己做得好好(最後都係腸胃炎)......但是起碼我係有能力照顧自己先呀！ 連我roommate都話我是她的英雄......雖然唔明，但是唔緊要..... 証明我真係唔係那個只識得依賴屋企，做小妹妹的小珊珊！ 小珊珊仍然存在，只不過她已經開始長大啦！
前路係點，我真係唔知.......
但是我只知道.......這2個月的生活，令我自己了解左自己更多， 發掘很多我自己都唔知道的能力.......
希望正如Mandy所說，我唔會變回以前那個凡是依賴的小珊珊啦！
小珊珊的記憶，仍然會活我在心中........
現在，我就繼續向我的目標進發吧！....
P.S.:終於有得見工啦！証明我唔係一無事處，無人要咖！ haha~~~~

Cherries 2008 @Malaysia--Day 20

係馬來西亞三個星期, 我學會獨立、學會與人相處、學會随時用不同既語言表達自己, 兩文三語, 現在可以掌握得很好。

第一個星期, 我病了, 我洞悉到旅遊保險既重要性, 亦明白到一個人在異鄉, 能依靠既, 只有自己。

這段時間, 我認識很多不同國籍既朋友, 學會與不同既人相處, 無論係那個國家、大人或小孩、正常或傷殘、甚至係弱智或傻既(或者會有點眨義, 但我絕對唔係歧視佢地, 我只係害怕……因為我以前從未試過與佢地相處一段這麼長既時間)。

因為在這裡, 能陪伴我、與我溝通既, 只有來自德國既janne和來自北京既echo, 所以, 我唯有用英文、用普通話來跟佢地傾計、談天, 就這樣, 我既語言能力進步了(雖然我成日都唔覺意同echo講廣東話、同janne講普通話:P)。

我害怕我既工作, 因為我害怕面對佢地: 我害怕看見殘疾人士既慘, 因為佢地令我不好過, 常常為佢地流淚, 我能做既, 只有為佢地難過, 因為我不能帶佢地走出等死既日子、亦不能帶佢地回家; 我害怕看見殘疾人士既父母, 因為我看見佢地既擔憂、看見佢地既難過、看見佢地既無奈、亦看見有殘疾BB既probability有幾高, 令十分鍾意細路仔既我害怕將來做人媽媽; 我害怕腦袋有問題既人掂我, 因為佢地不慬得照顧自己, 所以不會沖涼、不會洗手, 整天在地上爬, 我更害怕佢地叫我幫佢地R含膿既傷口; 我害怕待在這裡, 因為佢地每天早上5點開始就會大叫, 我一落留下就圍著我, 掂我, 甚至掂我最敏感既頸同腰, 令我毛骨悚然, 我亦很害怕那些腦袋有問題既男病人, 因為別人告訴我, 佢地看見女人就會有性衝動, 看見佢地整天盯著我流哂口水既樣, 總覺得不自然。

不過, 我係呢度, 得到既, 比我想像中多: 我認識很多不同國藉既朋友, 在local university 受到大明星一樣既代遇, 學會與人相處、表達自己, 學會獨立、照顧自己, 習慣一個人在外國生活既日子, 對自己由science student轉變為 business student 既事實感到認同, 幫local aiesec lc mark左好多internship, 亦真正感受到自己係aiesecer and proud of being an aiesecer! :P

或者, 將來搵工既時候, 僱主問我同其他人有咩唔同, 我會答, “my difference is aiesec!”

Kenya is freaking cold right now

Hello again...:) coudln't think of a better subject and kenya is really freaking cold right now...so anyway...

I am still in Africa and experienceing africa...haven't been wiritng much emails lately...the formal excuse is because i am busy. haha.....another real excuse is because living in africa can be very energy consuming and mood fluctuating so i didn't really muster the energy and mood to write.

I am working in the schools in the slum area in Nairobi right now. There is another Serbian girl who is working here as well...she is a law graduate and do legal work fom time to time to earn sufficient money to support what she wants to do in life!!!..it's very very cool. Together we teach english ( kids here can speak english well but cna't write a grammatically corect sentence) and have Human Rights meeting with kids every wednesday. At the beginnng i dun really like the serbian girl..she was angry about everything . haha. (sort of remind me of my ownself), but then slowly i started to like her as she was really driving stuffs....

And I guess i can contribute more in this way...it's more important to help people become self supporting and knowing their rights and lighting the fire in them then just giving them money or resources...
anyway...i guess volunteering in african is only an excuse people give ourself to see the world and grow. I can't see myself contributing much but i know this is gonna be an important life experience for me...

Up to now the thing i fear most in africa is the transport...the way ppl drive is very very scary...and the major source of transport we use "matatu"..which is lke a mini bus in hk..is the scariest among all...i had this really bad luck day wiht traffick last week when every matatu i got on had problems...the first one broke down due to a flat tyre on the way...had to wait for 15 mins for them to change it...the second one could not take me to the destination as the driver found out the brake was not working (luckily i was not killed)...by the time i got on the 3rd matatu..i was wondering if i would ever get home safely on that day...

gonna stay in the slum for one more week and then will head back to the children home...in august i am planning to go to uganda and rwanda ( to see the genocide memorial thingy!) and attend aiesec conference and soon i will be back in hong kong. ho ho ho ho ho

it must be freaking hot in hk right now. but hell it's freaking cold in kenya now....i needa wear a down jacket and thick scarf to stay warm. it's freaking freaking cold.

take care,
angiegiegiegiegiegiegieiegie

Cherries 2008 @Malaysia--Day 5

我真係好怕好怕! 原來對一個人太好並唔係一件好事, 特別係有mental problem既人。

可能因為呢度只有我同Janne願意同佢地講野、同佢地玩, 而只有我僧説普通話, 令佢地將我當左做親人一樣, 成日都要見到我、成日都要我陪、成日問我去左邊、要做咩……無錯我唔介意同佢地玩、同佢地講野, 但我有我既生活、我有我既工作, 不能一天到晚都陪著佢地, 而且, 佢地個個都要我陪、又唔鍾意我陪第個, 搞到我成日都唔知點好, 連出房都唔夠膽……

而且, 我遲早要離開這裡, 我怕我對佢地太好, 佢地會唔捨得我走、甚至唔俾我走……尋日我先第一次同佢地講野, 佢地已經問我可唔可以唔走, 留係呢度陪佢地? 對佢地好, 到底係好定壞呢? 我真係好懷疑, 亦唔知應該點做好……

Cherries 2008 @Malaysia--Day 1-4

Day 1-4:
It’s already the 3rd day of my arrival in Malaysia. Thinking back the past 3 days, I have really changed a lot.

As I chose to arrive at Singapore Changi Airport instead of the airport at Johor Bahru, I had to cross through the border between Singapore and Malaysia. I don’t know I should say I was lucky or not because the LC committee in Malaysia were so nice that they came all the way from Malaysia to Singapore to meet me but they were late for nearly two hours. I was so panic at that time. On the one hand, I did not know if I should continue waiting because when I went to Delifrance which was the place that we were supposed to meet each other, I found that there were nobody waiting for me. On the other hand, they had promised to meet me there. I became even worried when I found that there were actually 3 Delifrance at the airport. I used my phone card to phone them but they could not be connected. When I could finally success in calling them, the phone had already had its line cut when I tried to ask whether they were coming to find me. As I was a bit hungry after4 hours of flight, I decided to have a meal at Delifrance and then went to Malaysia by myself. But then, I saw 3 girls coming! I tried to wave my hand so that they could see me but they just failed to see me and left. Maybe I was luckily fallen onto their blind spot~ :P I immediately put my bag on the shoulder, ignore the meal and ran to them. Finally, we met each other!!! (And then they told me that it is Malaysian culture not to be on time = =”but I was so happy that I did not feel angry. There is nothing to be angry at other culture, right?)

Wa! I originally believed that it would be easy to get from the airport to Malaysia custom. What I had found out was that by traveling in MRT only, it already took about 2 hours (change lane for 4 times). But the condition at the border was even worse, because it was the busy hours, people went back to Malaysia after a day of work at Singapore. There are many many many people at the border and the buses (we need to travel by bus to enter Malaysia after MRT). The number of people was even more than that at the Lo Wu border at the eve of Lunar New Year. You can imagine: all men with bad temper crowded at the border! They did not queue up in line. They just pushed each other arguing who should come first. The way was very uneven. We always needed to go up and down. It would be very tired to walk for such a long distance in an uneven road, not to mention my heavy IBM notebook in my handbag and the >20kg luggage. But the AIESECers were very nice. They helped me when they saw me tired to death.

After a hard day, I went to bed early at about 2 o’clock :P waiting for the other day to come—Sunday, a day off!

I originally decide to get up at 9am to say hello to the residents in my accommodation. Dame it! I woke up at 6am! I couldn’t believe it. My accommodation is a Chesire Home for disabled people. Upon the rise of the sun, they would get up. And the mentally retarded people would start yelling…… Suen la, I gave up my sleep.

On the road, there are no women walking. Even if there are women, they would have their head covered with a piece of cloth. So, it is very uncomfortable that all men would stared at me and the other intern who came from Germany strangely as if we were not wearing any clothes. So disgusting were their eyes!

I originally think that my job would be very easy because I don’t have many things to do actually. However, when it comes to interacting with the residents living here, who are all disabled people, it would be extremely difficult. Firstly, most of them are mentally retarded or with other mental problems. It is very difficult to understand their behaviors. Secondly, most people here do not speak either Madarin or English. This makes our communication hard. Thirdly, even if they know our language or are mentally normal, they cannot control their bodies and even their tongues.

Every morning, the mentally retarded would get up at about 6 and start yelling. Sometimes, I would hear people crying but when I try to approach them to try soothing them, I would find that they are not crying at all. They always produce strange sounds and behave strangely. I believe that clapping our hands is the international language of praising people. But when I clapped my hands after a mentally retarded boy sang and dance, he became angry. People with mental problems usually cannot control and temper and manner easily. Frankly speaking, I am so afraid of them sometimes. I am not discriminating against them but I just cannot help with the uncomfortable feelings they had created to me.

But what I discovered is that if you try to open your heart to show that you care about them, they would be very happy. My job is nothing related to administration work or other practical things. It is actually to give hope to the disabled, show them there is love in the world and their lives have values.

People here can seldom go out because no one would want to bring them out. Many of them have no families because their families abandoned them. They can just know the outside world by talking with us—interns from different countries, by watching television, by surfing the internet(unfortunately only two of them know how to use the computers) and by their own imagination…… Everyday they have nothing to do because they have nothing can do, probably except sleeping and eating. And that’s why they sleep so early everyday at 6pm after dinner. For those who are mentally normal, they are not allowed to study after they are eight. They would end up staying here to make mats for the rest of their lives.

To me, I would think that their lives are full of waiting: waiting for visitors to come, waiting for the computer lesson which is once a week, waiting for meals, waiting for the end of the day, waiting for their deaths……

Back In Nairobi

I am back in busy and modern nairobi...hohohoho.

When I first got back to nairobi I had this reverse culture shock. stepping back into a city after being in the rural area for more than 3 weeks wasn't easy. Everything seems so loud, so modern ( too moderm), so advance..the people are so different and the world too...Had this unreal feeling about things that was going on and to make the whole experience more interesting, I went travelling with a chinese trainee and a taiwan trainee and it sort of put me into an identity crisis. hahaha

It was interesting to see the coast of Kenya actually. and it is very very wicked. Seeing the sea and feeling the coastal climate actually made me miss HK....Mobassa (The city) is occupied by a lot of india and muslim...it actually made me remember the trip to India/sri lanka last year (and made me miss hk and my dear dear aiesec teamates even more) ...anyway..we stayed in a budget hotel near the town and at 4.00am..i was woke up by those muslim broadcast and it was pretty scary (though interesting...) ..We visited this Gene Ruin site which used to be a town in the coast but was evacated. There were China's bowl and money in the museum as there was trade between China and Kenya since a long time ago...The guide there was very eadger to show me those chinese stuffs and I told them the reason why those coin of china used to have a hole in the middle...it is very interested to interact with local ppl.

It was quite an experience to travel with taiwan ppl and beijin ppl at the same time. we talked about everything except politics...the beijing girl overheard the taiwan boy talking about politics with another passanger on the train and she told me not to mention anything about politics and japan unless i want an arguement. ho ho ho..

I got sick last week. Vomitted in the middle of the night and then vomit any water and things i ate the next day...but the idea of going to a that local clinic was too scary and it gave me strength to get well really soon...I just received news that the other boy who was there is vomitting ytd....i guess stomach problem is part of the typical african experience..